OH DAYUM

Some specific person I have on my mind deserves to be tortured with what I’m feeling right...

Fri, 10 Jun 2011 04:02:08 -0400

Some specific person I have on my mind deserves to be tortured with what I’m feeling right now. This is a little too weak. I meant: THIS SPECIFIC PERSON THAT I HAVE ON MY MIND DESERVES TO BE STABBED SEVERAL TIMES BY ME AND BE CARVED A “lol xD” ON HER FOREHEAD. LET’S SEE IF SHE STILL FINDS IT FUNNY. >_>

It's been a few days now, and I'm slowly recovering. I escaped reality, feel more satisfied and independent. I'm going to be very clear now in this post and won't hold back.

Thu, 09 Jun 2011 16:22:00 -0400

I’m going to be honest and won’t soften things up. I hate being direct, but being indirect and acting like things are “fine” is NOT okay either. Yet I can’t be DIRECT-direct. I should confront, but I’m that such a weak cowardly bitch to not go up to people’s faces and tell them what I think and what’s not going well and what they do is NOT RIGHT. But you already know what they say. “WHAT. YOU ARE SUCH A BITCH. FUCK YOU. DEAL WITH IT. GET THE FUCK OUT. GO DIE.” Welp. No point in trying to confront and ruining what’s “good” and go deeper into drama. Otherwise it would be quite selfish of me cuz it’s all me me me right? RIGHT?! Or is it?

ALSO. I don’t wan’t to hurt anybody’s feelings. I don’t want to feel any negative emotions. I’m that mature to forgive. But I can’t let people treat me like this anymore like I’m that easy.

The first few days after my emotional fuckity:

Last week. Friday night. I cried so much that night while I was fucking up my facebook, and wrote that post on tumblr, and cut all connections on other social networks/sources. I couldn’t take it anymore and what I experienced before I fucked up my stuff was the last straw.

I bottle things up a lot, and tend to “forgive” or “let go, yet hold onto it a lil but won’t forget”. But friday night was too much for me and everything negative in the past and my development in/of life came back. I had a realization (as u call it, an epiphany) how UNAPPRECIATED and UNVALUED and TAKEN FOR FUCKING GRANTED (!!!!) AND NOT RESPECTED I FELT / WAS TREATED BY PEOPLE AND “FRIENDS” (!!!).

So I didn’t want to talk to ANYONE. Nobody could help me and I felt like a total BURDEN. An annoyance, a bother, an intense emotional spastic fuck. I felt like nobody could help me. Talking about my feelings is no use. It’s just like talking to a wall or television.

Also, talking to people (and still bottling things up cuz some actions they do tend to appeal to my pet peeves, which I never realize/notice they were my pet peeves all this time until now) and not having people to help me (since I’m a burden and they don’t know what to do with me, despite they “try”), but I always know how to help THEM. I was ALWAYS FUCKING THERE. I HELP. I CONCENTRATE. I GIVE MY FULL ATTENTION. I HELP EVALUATING. BUT THOSE STUPID FUCKS ARE PLAIN USELESS TO ME CUZ WHEN IT FINALLY COMES TO ME THEY GIVE THE WORST ANSWER EVER. I HAD IT WASTING MY TIME ON THEM, PLEASING THEM, COMFORTING THEM, SOMETIMES SHOWING MY APPRECIATION TO THEM AND I AM NOT APPRECIATED OR CARED BACK FOR. THOUGH I STILL WANT TO BE THERE FOR THEM. WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME. I AM SUCH A FUCKING DOORMAT.

Also, I’m very disappointed in these people. I don’t brag, flaunt, nor show off. I always keep a low profile. WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I DONE TO THEM. WHY DO SOME PEOPLE WANT ME TO GO SO LOW TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES. WHY. WHYY. THIS JUST UPSETS ME SO MUCH HOW SOME PEOPLE ARE FUCKING SELFISH AND THAT INHUMANE. TELLING YOU STUFF THAT DOESNT MAKE FUCKING SENSE AND HAVE BAD INTENTIONS. WANTING TO BE BETTER THAN U. BETTER LOOKING. BETTER IN EVERYTHING. WANTING U TO FAIL. TO BE SO LONELY. TO BE SO EVERYTHING HORRIBLE. FUCK.

ALSO. WHENEVER I “HELP” PEOPLE. LIKE I SAID, I’M SOMETIMES TAKEN FOR GRANTED. BUT SOMETIMES I DON’T HEAR A “THANK YOU” WHEN I HELP, DESPITE THEY SOMETIMES DON’T EVEN ASK FOR MY HELP? WHY AM I LIKE THIS. BUT WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP FORGETTING THEIR MANNERS.

Enough. The end. I need another week of isolation.

I just want to throw away everything I have and Isolate myself even more and start a new life in my own world. The people that I have don't exist to me anymore.

Fri, 03 Jun 2011 18:42:00 -0400

I don’t want to hold onto them anymore. I don’t want to talk. I fucking hate to be so nice and still try to be patient to the dumb fucks that barge in to my life who I rarely talk to and waste every second of my fucking life wanting me to entertain them, but whenever it comes to me, oh I’m fucking nothing. I hate the way I am. I just want to hide. Yes. I’m that big of a coward. I want everyone to leave me alone. Don’t fkin boss me around. How is this fucking attention seeking and fishing for compliments. U have no fucking idea how hard I try to make myself disappear into the background and make everyone else happier and feel better about themselves. I don’t fkin exist. Through life I come to a point to be even MORE disappointed in the human kind. Wow. Never thought that moment will come. Idiots. Idiots everywhere. People with terrible intentions. Selfish people. People who say they give a fuck but won’t for you. People who promise nice things but make it unbearable for you to stick with them and the promise will be broken. I’m giving up on people now. I just don’t want to care anymore. One day I will disappear out of nowhere and just let everyone go if this is getting too much.

FUCK YOU. WE ARE ALL LIVING A BIG FUCKING LIE. PRETENTIOUS WHORES. “I soooo give a fuck for anyyyoneee!” FUCKING LIARS.

Photo

Fri, 03 Jun 2011 17:51:14 -0400

theresascouserinmyboot: I hope I’m not the only one who’s...

Fri, 03 Jun 2011 17:27:23 -0400

theresascouserinmyboot:

I hope I’m not the only one who’s turned on here.

Photo

Fri, 03 Jun 2011 17:25:12 -0400

Photo

Fri, 03 Jun 2011 17:24:58 -0400

“WHERE WERE YOUUU! TELL ME IM PRETTYYY!!!”

Fri, 03 Jun 2011 17:22:09 -0400

“WHERE WERE YOUUU! TELL ME IM PRETTYYY!!!”

lespork: lemonvip: And that’s when Bommie escaped down the...

Fri, 03 Jun 2011 17:20:30 -0400

lespork:

lemonvip:

And that’s when Bommie escaped down the street with a muffin in her mouth, running away from her stylist.

oh bom. ; u;

Omg shes so cute!

Photo

Fri, 03 Jun 2011 17:19:30 -0400

Photo

Fri, 03 Jun 2011 17:17:28 -0400

Photo

Fri, 03 Jun 2011 17:12:29 -0400

anthagio: This is actually quite interesting. Of course the...

Fri, 03 Jun 2011 14:48:52 -0400

anthagio:

This is actually quite interesting. Of course the stans of these people will deny it, but I think it’s obvious, tbh. Labels are now seeing that Gaga’s wacky shit is working for her, so they’re making their talent emulate her. However, unfortunately, for what ever reason, the wackiness only seems to work for Gaga and everyone else gets labeled as a “copier” by fans and critics alike.

kingtony: i love tyra so much omg

Fri, 03 Jun 2011 14:47:37 -0400

kingtony:

i love tyra so much omg

When The Fairy Tale Ends, Real Life Begins

Fri, 03 Jun 2011 14:04:20 -0400

thescentofthewild:

Fallen Princesses by Dina Goldstein

FUCK YEAH.

Fri, 03 Jun 2011 14:01:15 -0400

FUCK YEAH.

I really lol’d there.

Fri, 03 Jun 2011 13:51:15 -0400

I really lol’d there.

AWWW BABY

Fri, 03 Jun 2011 13:41:21 -0400

AWWW BABY

HOLY FUCK OMG LIKE!

Fri, 03 Jun 2011 13:39:40 -0400

HOLY FUCK OMG LIKE!

Photo

Fri, 03 Jun 2011 13:29:29 -0400